


Through Sickness and In Health

by pumpkinpeasy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Dean, Car Accidents, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Cheating, Cheating Dean, Crippled!Castiel, Dialogue Heavy, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt Castiel, I Don't Even Know, I don't know, Injured Castiel, Insecurity, M/M, Major Character Injury, Marriage, Permanent Injury, Physical Disability, Physical Therapy, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Tension, uh just like angst and crying n shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 18:12:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5712163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkinpeasy/pseuds/pumpkinpeasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean comes home to his angel Castiel, the last thing Cas expects from him is a woman on his arm. Wherein Dean is a cheater, and internal revelations occur. The only thing that Dean can do is beg forgiveness, but there lies more behind his angel's intent.</p><p>[once again i suck at summaries but you can probably figure out how this goes]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through Sickness and In Health

When Castiel awoke on the couch near midnight, he didn’t expect the sound of an approaching engine to be so close. Nor did he expect the familiar rumble of a certain car, as it dragged to a halt before the house. He pushed himself into a sitting position; something that required above-average effort, considering his predicament.  
  
It was nearly two and a half years ago, when Castiel had been in the car accident. Permanently crippled, so the doctors said; he wouldn’t be able to perform daily activities without aid, he wouldn’t walk. Being pinned between the destroyed remnants of his own car, a passenger van, and a semi-truck didn’t give them much hope. But he was doing alright, if he did say so himself. He grabbed his cane and pulled himself up, swearing softly beneath his breath. Cas could hear the car doors opening and shutting… two of them. He almost smirked, thinking that perhaps Dean had brought his little brother, as well.  
  
Sam always liked coming by to see his brother-in-law, even bringing his dog sometimes, for Castiel to play around with. Cas used the side of the stairs with his free hand, to help himself to the front room, just as the door opened.  
  
Except… it wasn’t Sam, that Dean had brought by.  
  
In the dark, he could see two figures; One, tall and bowlegged, all too lovingly familiar to him. The other, shorter and petite with long hair and perky posture, even in high heels. The two were murmuring incoherent nothings, the girl clinging to Dean’s jacket like a life-vest. His heart dropped through the floor, when he realised that this wasn’t a co-worker.  
  
“Alright, shush.” Dean whispered to her. It was almost eerie, how it was the exact same thing Dean used to say when they’d sneak into a motel room together. Like Cas was now watching from the outside.  
  
Castiel took this opportunity to flick the lights on. “Dean?”  
  
He saw the abrupt shock and exclamation on their faces, as light flooded the room. His blood burned hot, when he saw Dean increased his grip upon the girl. Cas tightened his grip on his cane, then. There was building horror atop shame on their faces as Castiel waited for him to speak.  
  
“Cas, I thought you were in rehab, this weekend.” he murmured, face blushing red-hot.  
  
He should’ve known damn well that his days in rehab were decreasing as he got better. He wasn’t required to go as frequently, anymore. Or, perhaps Dean had been a bit preoccupied and paranoid. He could see why… Cas thumbed angrily over the silver band on his ring finger, watching the girl’s expression tense almost painfully, before relaxing into something like recognition.  
  
“Wait… Rehab?” she said softly, “Is he, like, a druggie?”  
  
“I’m not a druggie. Who are you?” Cas said, as if he didn’t already know.  
  
“Erin.” she replied, even quieter this time.  
  
“Cas, please--” Dean tried, eyes virtually pleading with him, “Cas, this isn’t what it looks like, I--”  
  
“Then what does it look like?” Cas snapped, Dean flinching at his voice. Castiel mastered himself quickly, and suddenly felt horrible for raising his voice. “I’m sorry. I’ll just… I’ll give you some time.”  
  
He said these words even with tears stinging his eyes, threatening to spill, but he meant it. He wished he’d realised it quicker, but he couldn’t do anything about that, now. All Cas could do was offer them an apology and some time alone. He made his way past them, to the door and almost out.  
  
“Cas-- Cas, wait. Baby, please.” his husband was pleading, following his steps. _“Please,_ I’m so sorry…”

“No, I…” Castiel had to stop in the middle of the doorway. Not only because of physical pain, but also of heartache at hearing the crack in the voice of someone about to cry. “I understand, and I’m sorry I snapped at you.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I understand, why you brought her, and I want to give you time together.” he whispered, almost ashamed of his own actions. Cas turned to face him, however downcast his eyes were, however humiliated he felt. “Y-You deserve it; I don’t know why I wasn’t thinking of you, and what you needed.”  
  
Dean shook his head wildly, reaching out to him, “No, no, baby, this isn’t anywhere _near_ your fault.”

Erin shifted anxiously behind Dean, “I, uh… I think I should go, now.” she admitted softly, murmuring a brief apology before she was slinking out the door and down the sidewalk.  
  
“You should at least take her back.” Cas said gruffly, shamefully gimping across the room. He didn’t care if it looked pathetic; he just wanted to be alone.  
  
“She doesn’t live too far from here.”  
  
Cas turned to face him again. This conversation had been awkwardly one-sided from the jump, and now he understood why. This affair had been happening for a while, hadn’t it? The answer was yes, and both of them saw it before their eyes, as Castiel carefully levered himself down back onto the couch. Dean followed him, looking as if he was about to break into tears once again, like that day after the accident, and he’d seen Cas in the hospital.  
  
“Cas… honey, please…” he mumbled, sitting perched beside him and taking his hand between both of his own. He leaned down and kissed Castiel’s fingers, holding him close. “Please, I’m so sorry..”  
  
“Dean, I told you to stop that.” he said bitterly, though his heart melted to pieces when he felt a couple of hot tears drip onto the back of his hand. “I understand why you brought her-- _Erin,_ here.”  
  
It seemed as though he’d have to repeat this as many times as Dean needed. He placed his cane against his leg, and reached out to gently thumb over Dean’s cheeks, drying the tears from his face. His husband’s heartache was neither more nor less of his own, and he loved him to death. Watery blue eyes locked with peridot green ones, tired and having seen more than they would reveal.  
  
He hadn’t thought about _Dean’s_ loss, after the accident. Only his own. And in that, he’d failed as a husband to give what he needed to, for almost two and a half years. No wonder Dean had gone searching for tenderness someplace else; he wasn’t getting it here. Physical affection. Castiel had given him his heart and soul, but that wasn’t enough in a human relationship.

“Dean… There are certain things that I can… no longer offer, to you.” he said quietly, straining to keep his voice calm and even. “My sexual duties, for example. And I don’t want _you_ to suffer for _my_ accident. So, if you need to do select things with Erin, or with any other man, woman… I won’t object to it.”  
  
Dean shook his head fervently, once again. “No-- No, Cas, I should’ve…”  
  
“If we keep exchanging the same banter, about “should’ve thought of you instead”, then we’ll get nowhere.” Castiel said, “Because I think you and I love eachother, equally. But, answer me one question...”  
  
“Yes.” he said readily, green eyes wide.  
  
Cas looked into those eyes and saw someone that was his Dean, and not. Someone inexplicably younger and more confused, someone lonely. He swallowed hard. “Can you, look at _this_ for the rest of your life?”  
  
Dean’s brow furrowed slightly, incomprehensive.  
  
_“Can you,_ look at _me,_ the way I am…” Cas rephrased, “...for the rest of your life.”  
  
His scars. Could he look into Castiel’s eyes, and look past the scars on his face, the marks from skin grafts on his chest and legs. Could he look past the painful and plodding gait, past his weakened grip on everyday items, his rehabilitation visits every other weekend; past that, and past every outer flaw that Cas didn’t have before their marriage? His eyes watered harder to even think of Dean’s commitment. At the same time, he didn’t know what to expect anymore.  
  
“I will.” Dean said, without a second thought. “I love you more than anything, Cas… Baby, I was stupid, and… I was selfish.”  
  
Castiel couldn’t do more than give a weak shake of the head, at this point. Tears spilled freely down his cheeks, hot and salty as they rolled down flushed skin. Dean wiped at Cas’s eyes, even as Cas himself had more questions that would go unanswered for tonight. He had so many things he wanted to know, because of sheer self-centered intent. Was she sweeter in bed? Was she polite and gentle, and could she walk straight? Cas just put his good arm around Dean and let his head fall into his lover’s shoulder.  
  
It was never meant to be this way. To be so confining and painful, tearful, to be stressing and conflicted. It was meant to free them both of their bonds that they held before, and to let them simply be, together and peaceful.  
  
Castiel squeezed Dean’s shoulder with surprising force. Dean held him near and safe, in his strong arms and close to his heart. When the tears finally stopped welling up and spilling over, and Cas could breathe freely again, he turned his head to one side, and looked up at Dean.  
  
“How long was it happening?” he asked. He needed to know; wanted him to say it.  
  
Dean leaned closer to him, almost fearful, before he answered. “One year.”  
  
Something dried up in Castiel’s throat. His lungs constricted almost achingly, the sore twinge in his chest a painful reminder of what had just happened. Dean nosed lightly, cautiously, along the thick, dark hair on Cas’s head. Castiel curled up tightly in Dean’s arms, his t-shirt suddenly feeling too exposing. Castiel is no fool.  
  
He knows that if Dean truly fell head-over-heels for him, he wouldn’t be able to kiss someone else without tasting Castiel’s tears on his mouth. He wouldn’t be able to make love to someone else, to unclothe before someone other than his husband, without feeling like a car stripped for its parts. He wouldn’t stick around and give him false hope, if he truly did love him, or so said his vows. He tensed, then relaxed softly against his husband, hoping that he might just take him into his arms the way he used to.  
  
_“One year.”_  
  



End file.
